Walking Through The Shadows
Because the journey back to one self isn't all rainbows and butterflies.
Our journey to heal is full of pain and love. This is what I’ve come to understand as I continue to turn inwards and commit to self-study. As we heal, we begin to slowly grieve and acknowledge the pain of our past experiences. We question those whose duty it was to care for us. We reflect on how their actions shaped us into the people we are today, for better or worse. We wonder about who we could’ve been if the circumstances had been different.
We ebb and flow through our thoughts. We move from gratitude to anger to sadness, then back to gratitude. The intensity of our emotions rising and falling, rising and falling, as we come to terms with the fact that what has already happened can’t be changed, no matter how much we wish it could be.
We ebb and flow. We rise and fall. Again and again and again…
Until eventually a warm inner peace finds us. We release ourselves from what could’ve been and the suffering that comes with it. We thank our past selves for doing the best they could with the tools they had at the time. We allow ourselves to be grateful, yet critical of those who took care of us. Nobody’s perfect, after all.
We take a moment to appreciate the inner work we’ve undergone. Our reactions to the people and situations that trigger us are shifting. We are becoming closer to who we’ve always been.
The wounds of our past are slowly fading.
The self-love that was resting within us, awakens and expands.
Love and pain. Pain and love.
It’s all apart of our healing journey.
It’s all apart of the cyclical nature that is life.
Embracing Our Shadow Selves
For more than a decade now, as apart of my healing journey to become closer to my truest self, I’ve been practicing shadow work. According to BetterUp, “Shadow work involves exploring and integrating the unconscious aspects of oneself, such as repressed emotions, fears, and desires, to achieve personal growth and wholeness.”
It is in this work, that I see how pain and love are our companions on this journey.
To love the traits that we’re super proud of is easy. To extend that same love to the traits that we’re embarrassed by or fearful of is hard. Instead of trying to understand and accept all of ourselves, we’d rather keep our unpleasant traits hidden away in the shadows, where no one can judge us for them.
However, by repressing parts of our identity, we’re denying our ability to fully flourish as our true selves. Nothing can stay hidden forever. Our unpleasant traits will flare up at some point, such as when we have intense emotional reactions to triggering people or situations.
And in the aftermath of those moments, we’ll only feel the urge to push those traits even further away, deeper into the shadows.
Yet, it is us who need to venture into the shadows.
We need to take the time to acknowledge and understand the parts of ourselves that we aren’t proud of. By practicing shadow work, we will be able to not only see the ‘shadow self’ that resides within us, but integrate with it in an intentional manner.
Our emotions, fears and desires are apart of who we are, whether we like it or not.
The ‘shadow self’ that we work hard to hide away from the world is also apart of who we are, and if we are to embark on our healing journey, it is an aspect of ourselves that we must mindfully invite along for the ride.
To do so will be painful... We’ll encounter feelings, thoughts and experiences that are uncomfortable. We may fall into a deep sadness, or struggle with heartache. Waves of grief may arise and you might feel as though you’re sinking deeper into the shadows.
At these moments, it’s absolutely critical that we emotionally rest. Step away from the shadow work for a bit. Reach out to a loved one, schedule time with a mental healthcare professional, or do something that evokes happiness.
Shadow work can be exhausting and should be treated as a marathon, not a sprint.
Pacing ourselves as we walk through our shadows is just as important as doing the work itself. Take breaks when needed. Days, weeks, or months at a time. There’s no need to rush.
We will have a lifetime to get to know and love our ‘shadow selves’.
Shadow Work Resources
Throughout my shadow work practice, I’ve gathered an incredible collection of resources, from podcasts to books to Internet mentors, who have supported me along the way. If you’re interested in starting shadow work or would love some additional guidance, check these out:
Inner Warmup Podcast
In Hindzsight Podcast
For The Healthy Hoes Podcast
Vibrate Higher Daily: Live Your Power by Lalah Delia
All About Love by bell hooks
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free by Alexandra Elle
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide To Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
The School of Life Youtube Channel
Muchelle B’s Youtube Channel
Rowena Tsai’s Youtube Channel
Would love to know if you’re familiar with any of these resources or have a few of your own that have been helpful along your journey. Doing shadow work takes courage, so wherever you are, show yourself lots and lots of grace.
I’m rooting for you with all of my heart from my tiny corner of the Internet.
With love,
Kelisha (she/her)
„The shadow self“ will not leave my head …. Such a beautiful description !!!!
In the Hero’s/Heroines journey you are shaping yourself as a guide, It is very much appreciated.
These gentle reminders , that make us acknowledge that we all carry an inner child, enmeshed behind childhood experiences
that we have yet to understand, while on the surface we force ourselves to function.
These gentle reminders are much appreciated Kelisha 🙏🏿.